i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
