BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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