Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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