i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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