Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i love accidental penises.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
