Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
