omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
