respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
