Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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