if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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