Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
