the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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