is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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