I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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