We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
