omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dear god my vagina.
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