i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
