Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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