There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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