Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
