So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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