Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
