i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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