Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it's like heaven, but drunker
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
