Soap is not a condiment
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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