shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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