I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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