Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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