if i can run in heels then i can drive
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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