why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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