she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
