he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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