Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
