Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
