I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
