I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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