you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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