And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
