He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
