Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
