I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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