The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
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My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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