i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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