I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
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He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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