I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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