so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
