I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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