there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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