Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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