She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
