I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
