I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
