im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
