3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
