I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize