omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
