im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Randomize
