Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
