Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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