i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize