I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
