In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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